I have recently found myself pondering about my life decisions. This whole winter quarter has been very difficult for me not only school wise but it has impacted my mental health. I have been feeling like this for a long time. I do not have much of a social life, I crave to go home everyday but I do not know if it is the best decision for myself.
When I left home, I made a pact for myself and decided I do not want to go back no matter the circumstances. But ever since my mental health has declined, I found myself extremely unhappy and I cry almost every single night. I feel so trapped in my own mind, no support system here, no where to really outlet my true emotions. Everyday is battle for myself, I put on a mask for the outside world and as soon as I enter my dorm room my mind instantly turns around on itself. I question what is best for myself.
If I go home, I get to be with my family and I get to work. I would not be paying for any rent and I have a car to use. I can hike mountains and spend a lot of my time outdoors. But if I go home I lose about $600 just for the trip there and back. I would not be able to continue my business degree and I would have to change my major.
If I stay, I will not have a car and basically trapped in my dorm room. I can continue my business degree, and I could find a job in town. I would still be close to my boyfriend Taylor, and I would get to experience new things. There are new places to hike and more places to explore. I would get to spend my summer in a new place.
I am constantly stuck in this dilemma and I just wish I could decide. I just want to be my happiest self and make the best decision for myself.
